im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
