I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
