he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
