do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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