if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
