i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this boner is exhausting
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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