I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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