Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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