omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
