wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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