as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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