He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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