dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
birth control should be required to get into college
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
