he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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