This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
