Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
