Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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