You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
