Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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