Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
