happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
