At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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