I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
