she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
