We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize