when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
