I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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