Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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