She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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