Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I deserve this hangover.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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