i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
