kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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