They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
