yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
