there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
