watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
