3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
