i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
