Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
