It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
