He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
