He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
