I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
