I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
