I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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