just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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