i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
