Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
