Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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