i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I need to stop coming to work sober
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
