They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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