All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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